do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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