WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
