"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
