I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
