You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize