You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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