I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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