the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I am one with the molecules
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
