i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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