The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
they're like a gay fantastic four
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
