It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
porn star boner night. come get it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
