are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
