One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
