so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
