It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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