No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
