I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
