If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize