Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
