Umm I'm too high to move.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
