Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
