Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
