Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
