just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
