i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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