All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
