in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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