If i come over, it means nothing
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
