now i know why i became what i already was.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
