you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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