As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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