I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
