Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
