he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize