As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
