I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
