There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
