East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
