I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize