First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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