im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
