pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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