The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
