Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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