i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
