That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
