Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize