Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
