just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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