I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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