dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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