So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
