I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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