it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
