i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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