Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
