Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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