Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
