What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
