Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
