you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
