watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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