my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize