he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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