He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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