Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
