So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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