would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
