i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
