ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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