I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
