OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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